Return of the Grouchy Pregnant Lady

Dear Mom of the Kid Who Is Blowing Snot Bubbles in the Play Place:

I get it.  It’s cold.  Your kids are bored. Mine are too.  But seriously?  There is so much snot coming out of your kid’s head that you could bottle and sell it as Gak or Goop or Slimy Silly Putty.  Take him home.  That is not a request.  It’s a warning.  If I find you, I’m going to rub your kid’s face on your shirt. 

Sincerely,

The Grouchy Pregnant Lady



Dear President Obama The Great Party Thrower:

I’ve had a lot of time to lay around and watch all the specials on “Preparing for the Inauguration.” I don’t know if someone handed you a budget or if you even care, but man…your parties are expensive. I know, I know, you’re excited to be the leader of a great nation, and it is worthy of a celebration.  But maybe instead of spending millions of tax payer dollars on a one-day party, you could have put it toward some of those social causes that need so much of our attention?  Just a thought. 

Sincerely,

The Grouchy Pregnant Lady



Dear Makers of the Really BIG Toilet Paper Rolls:

Your toilet paper is so fat that it won’t spin.  I have to pull off one square at a time because the roll is pressed so hard against the wall.  I know you’re the budget brand, but for goodness sake!  Include the roll extender or make smaller rolls!  You guys suck.

Sincerely,

The Grouchy Pregnant Lady



Dear Guy At Costco Who Ran Over My Ankle with your Overloaded Cart:

You hit me hard enough that my knees buckled.  You hit me hard enough that the lady behind you in line gasped.  You hit me hard enough to earn a look of death, which you saw and ignored.  Dude, your car better be on fire or something equally awful.  There is no reason to race ahead of a lady with three-and-a-quarter kids, bash into her, and pretend it didn’t happen. 

You’re lucky I don’t know where you parked, or I might be tempted to push my very full cart into the side of your car. 

The Grouchy Pregnant Lady


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