Memos from a Grouchy Pregnant Lady

  • Memos from a Grouchy Pregnant Lady: Part II

    Dear Well-Meaning Strangers:

    For your convenience, I’ve created a list of things not to say to a very pregnant woman:
    • “Holy crap!  You’re still pregnant.”  If I could remedy this situation, I promise I would. 
    • “You look miserable.”  I am.  Thank you for reminding me.
    • “You’ve got to be due any day.” Actually, I’m due Thursday.  I’m sorry my appearance disgusts you. 
    • “Why are you here?  Shouldn’t you be laying somewhere with your feet up?” Pre-schoolers do not drive themselves to school, and contrary to popular belief groceries do not magically appear in the fridge, nor does dry cleaning drop itself off.
    • “Should you be walking that dog?” Probably not, but as she outweighs my three-year-old, I thought it was a better idea if I held the leash.
    • “Well hey, your face is still skinny.” What you’re really saying is that the rest of me is so fat you can’t help but notice that my head looks like a grape on top of a watermelon. 
    I’m sure your heart is in the right place and that you really are concerned for my well-being.  I appreciate it, I do.  I’m just a little sleep-deprived and as you noted earlier, miserable.

    Thank you,

    The Grouchy Pregnant Lady

    Dear Nosy Church Lady:

    I’m eleventy months pregnant.  Now is probably not the best time to ask me how many more kids I’m going to have.  This is my third baby, I’m happy with three.  I’m glad you think I’m “young and healthy,” but my procreative activities are none of your business.

    Thank you,

    The Grouchy Pregnant Lady