After spending three months as a devout worshipper of the Porcelain Goddess, I feel it is necessary to remind you what reverence is required when you bring your offering to the altar.
Standing upright before the throne is not acceptable. You must come to the Goddess on bended knee, with head bowed, and arms outstretched beseechingly. Failing to prostrate yourself will only result in a rejection of your offering (especially if you are say…six-foot-two*).
The Goddess is both vile and vengeful. She cares not if you come to her in a salmonella-induced haze and think you may die! Unless you bow at her pearly-white altar, your offering will be tossed back at you (to splatter on your feet and up the walls). And her lowly priestess is left to clean up the disaster (which makes for a grumpy, nauseated pregnant lady).
The Porcelain Goddess requires complete humility. Kings and rulers utter prayers of mercy at her feet. So must all men (and husbands)!
Bow Before the Goddess or Meet Her (and your wife’s) Wrath!
*Yep…another post based on actual events. My very tall hubby is morally opposed to bending down when he throws up, and his aim is not good. This is the second bathroom he’s “christened” in this manner. Which would be fine if he was capable of cleaning up his own mess…but he’s not. Just seeing the puke makes him puke more. So at 2 a.m., I was doing it for him. That’s true love, people.