A query is supposed to accomplish four things:
1. ID Main Character
2. State MC’s motivation/goal
3. Explain what is stopping MC from achieving goal
4. Describe stakes of what happens if MC does not achieve goal
It doesn’t get simpler than that.
SO…following that exact format I’ve written this bare bones query:
Everyone wants a piece of Sam Oliveira. He’s cool with cheerleaders and baseball scouts hunting him, but not the Brazilian drug cartel that employs his mother.
Sam’s inherited a preternatural talent that lets him see brief glimpses of the future. He can’t make much sense of the images – except when they’re about his calculus tutor, Gabby Wilkins, and her death and the hands of a faceless stalker.
Protecting Gabby could expose Sam’s gift and give the cartel a pawn to use against him. They will hurt Gabby if Sam refuses to work for them.
SAW IT COMING is YA Paranormal Romance complete at 65,000 words. It tracks Sam’s attempts to do the right thing without getting himself, or anyone else for that matter, killed.
So what do you think? Does it need more flesh?
Do I need to add in the following information:
- Everytime Sam tries to use his gift to figure out who the stalker is and where the attack happens he ends up with a migraine and barfing his guts out?
- Since Sam doesn’t know how to use his gift he needs more training. The cartel wants to train him but their methods are brutal. His other choice is an uncle Sam’s only met once, and doesn’t particularly like.
- What about the fact that Sam likes Gabby, but her dad thinks he’s a drug dealer and Gabby thinks Sam’s mom is a prostitute? Pretty funny, but I’m not sure it’s important.
I’ve written five other queries. All have more meat, but have gotten mixed responses in Query Hell.
So friends…what do you think?