Okay, okay. I know we’re all crazy busy. But I also know you have an awesome short story brewing based on the crap that I found under my dryer. I’ve got a great one, but I can’t really gift myself with a B&N card and a beta read of my own manuscript. It just doesn’t work.

If you can’t remember the details, click here.

I’m extending the deadline to Friday, October 15.

Enter TODAY!

Oh! How I wish I had real, live, actual readers! I have the perfect idea for a writing contest. I’d have two main categories:

1. Best story written about the items I found under my dryer
2. Story closest to what I think happened that resulted in the items being dropped behind my dryer

I’d even offer prizes! Like a big fat ($10) gift card and a beta read with copious notes of any writer’s manuscript.

You see I recently found out (not gossip exactly) the…ummm…sordid history of my house. I won’t go into anymore detail – except, of course, to say it was sordid – because I don’t want to give away the answer to category No. 2.

Here’s the list of the items I found under the dryer:

• a toilet wand (that did not belong to me, actually NONE of the items are my possessions)
• a piece of sheet music for a Catholic Christmas program
• a curly straw bent into an odd shape
• a water wing
• several small black buttons
• enough bobby pins to hold a super fancy updo
• and (wait for it, wait for it, seriously it’s that gross!) an unopened item of “protection”

I threw up a little cleaning behind the washer, but I threw up A LOT cleaning behind the dryer.

The rules to the contest are as follows:

1. You have to live in the continental United States to enter (unless of course you’d want to forego your awesome $10 gift card).
2. You must to email your entry to becky underscore vallett at hotmail dot com and post a link to this contest on your blog, facebook or twitter page and leave a link in the comments. A point will be added to your total for each of those categories.
3. You don’t have to use all the items in your story, but you must use three. An extra point will be awarded for every additional item in your story.
4. Even though the history of my house is of questionable morality, your story doesn’t have to be! Since I’m not a Nora Roberts/Danielle Steele kind of girl, telling the story without anything, you know, explicit will get two extra points. This applies especially to category No. 2.
5. The deadline for this contest October 11, 2010. So start writing NOW!

Imaginary Reader (or anyone else who happens to find this on google) I look forward to reading your entries! If you have any questions, send me an email or leave a comment.

Now I’m off to clean the kitchen! Ah, the joys of mother/writerhood.

Writerhood is a real word. It is.

The people who owned our home before us weren’t exactly my kind of clean (translation: I’m a little OCD and they were a little Hoarder-esque). Before we moved in last year, I hired a professional cleaning company to spruce up the house. To phrase it politely, I wouldn’t recommend their services to anyone who, ya know, breathes.

I’ve cleaned every surface in this home eight bajillion times, and no matter my efforts I’ve always felt like I’m living in someone else’s dirt. Yep. NASTY.

We’re spending a small fortune having the main floor of the home painted, including the laundry room. I knew the cleaning service did not clean beneath the washer and dryer (they conveyed with the home), but I’ve avoided the chore for a whole year.

Today I finally did it. I pulled the washer away from the wall, threw up in my mouth and then grabbed the vacuum. My son peeked over my shoulder and yelled, “Mommy! How did they get so much mud in the house?”

Mud was the least of my problem. I also found:

• enough Legos to build a small city
• .45 cents (mostly pennies)
• Dancing With the Stars’ costume beading department
• a shoe’s insole
• a headband
• two half-pair of earrings
• and this…