So a close friend and I were talking about my attempted writing career and she gave me the classic, “How do you find the time?” I responded with something trite and funny. We laughed and changed the subject.
Later that day, the real answer came to me. Every minute I spend writing is a minute when I’m neglecting something else.
You know what I decided? That’s okay.
You guys know me (at least sort of). I’m a mom. I’ve got three kids under five. I have a dog that is possessed by a demon and husband who is gone 90 percent of the time. I have a house, a yard, a huge pile of laundry and a deck that needs to be repaired. I have a crazy volunteer schedule and I feed my kids too many meals from a box.
I have a million things that need to be done (tub needs to be regrouted, closet needs to be cleaned…oh and groceries…yep, need those too) that I’m not doing. But those aren’t the only thing I’m neglecting.
I’m tired nearly every minute of every day. I’m not eating, sleeping, working out, or taking care of myself the way I should. Today I blow dried my hair. I won’t admit to the number of days in a row I’ve left the house with my hair in a wet pony tail.
Why, why, why, do I do this to myself! Why am I constantly frustrated, anxious, exhausted? Why am I tormenting myself over this nebulous dream that may never come true?
Because I need it.
I need to feel successful about something besides a batch of fresh cookies and a clean house. I need to think about something besides poop, puke and nap time. I need to have conversations (or at least write emails) that include complex sentences and four-syllable words.
I don’t have time to be a writer. I make it. And I do it now. My life won’t be less crazy-chaotic, for a long, long time.
This is my season. And I’m not going to let it slip by.
P.S. On Friday, I’m interviewing Jen Knight, author of BLOOD ON THE MOON, which comes out on August 30th! She’s also agreed to take questions and is offering a ten-page critique to a random commenter!