The Dreaded Author Photo

I’m not a published author yet.  But I am a firm believer in the old adage, “Fake it till you make it.”  Thus, I feel like I need an official author photo to do a really good job faking myself into authorhood.*

I’ve studied a LOT of writer’s pics to prep myself for the grand day when I actually have a picture taken of myself that is neither a self-portrait nor includes children.  I want the perfect pose, the perfect lighting. I want my author photo to say, “Hi!  I’m Becky.  Thanks so much for reading my book. See how cute and nice I am?  Don’t you want to buy every book with my name on it?”

A picture is worth a thousand words, right?  Can’t my photo say that?   

Okay…maybe not quite.  But, here are some author photos that I think speak volumes:

I Write High Fantasy.  Can’t You tell?

Terry Goodkind

Robert Jordan

I don’t think I’m cut out to write high fantasy.  I lack facial hair and the ability to intimidate the pants off you.  I think I fit better in the next category.

Cuties Who Crunch

Kasie West

Natalie Whipple

Kiersten White

See how they’re all leaning on something? This is a pose I think I can pull off.  They’re all in my age group, all write YA, and all have multi-book deals.  Maybe if I mimic them, I’ll end up in the same category.  Hopefully.

Authors Who Never Change (I’m talking about their faces, not their books….At least mostly)

Mary Higgins Clark

Sandra Brown
Really…I think the title is explanation enough.  If not, here are their birth years, respectively:  1927 and 1948.  Now do you get what I’m saying?  With enough bestsellers (and Botox), I could totally slide into this group (in about fifty years).

Authors Who Look Like They Could be Your Neighbor
Rick Riordan

Lezlie Evans
 Rick Riordan looks just like my next door neighbor and Lezlie Evans is my neighbor.  I could also title this category, Authors Who Just Look Like Normal People.  That’s because in Lezlie’s case at least, it’s true.  (Not to say Riordan isn’t normal, I don’t actually know him.)

Authors Who Are Secretly Models
Sarah J. Maas

Tyra Banks
This category was a lot more fun before Tyra got in the mix.  I mean really, isn’t being pretty good enough for you? Being published would be good enough for me. 

Authors Who are So Awesome They Don’t Even Have to Look at the Camera
Nicole Krell**

Becca Fitzpatrick

Brodi Ashton
 I’m not saying these authors are too cool to look at us. More likely they’re just shy…the kind of people who are so humble about their work that they get uncomfortable when we go fan-crazy over them.  (I’m basing this assumption on their tweets, and of course, tweets tell you everything about an author.)

Authors Who are So Rich They Have Their Photos Taken in Their Own Personal Libraries
Stephenie Meyer
 I looked for a picture of JK Rowling to put into this category, but then I found photos of her in her swimsuit.  Not that it was bad, but I just couldn’t bare (haha) to add her to this post. I’m obviously not quite ready for this particular style of picture.  Yet. 

Authors Who are Really Crazy Cat Ladies

Please tell me I’m not the only person who remembered Goldie Hawn’s character was an author in Death Becomes Her!  The characterization there was dead on.  She’s solitary, eats too much crap, lives with like forty-seven cats, and writes torrid, steamy romance novels.  Some authors have incredible imaginations because their realities suck.  (That is not a commentary on my life!)

This post is getting mighty scroll-y, thanks to the fact that my photoshop is still not functional.  So I’ll have to leave the other categories for another post. 

Until then, which category do you fit into?  Or are you in a category of your own? 

*A good picture will only help an awesome manuscript along.  Right?
**Nicole isn’t actually published yet, either.  I’m all about encouraging cosmic mojo.


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