A Memo to the Plastic People

Had dinner with a group of ladies (you’ll understand the emphasis later) a while ago, and the subject of plastic surgery came up.

One of the women was upset because her mother-in-law had agreed to watch another daughter-in-law’s children while she recovered from an…augmentation (this lady wouldn’t go into details about her SIL’s type of surgery). Anyway, she was miffed that 1) her SIL was having plastic surgery and 2) that her MIL was willing to take care of the family.

The subject changed to the type of plastic surgery any of us would wish for. Seven of the nine women present said they would like to have Laser Hair Removal, and the chick who was offended by her SIL’s augmentation said she wouldn’t have anything done except for Lasik. I shocked them all by confessing my deep, dark desire for Lipo.

Which brings me to my first question: Since when has HAIR REMOVAL been considered plastic surgery?

Second question: Lasik? Seriously? So does she consider contact wearers vain?

And finally: Were all the women being completely honest? I was truly dumbfounded that more of them wouldn’t (a) fess up to their true desires or (b) have anything beside hairy legs and pits that they wanted to change.

Let me qualify this post by saying that I’m not a terribly self-conscious person. Most women will admit that they have “problem areas” and try to diet or tone them away. My saddlebags and poodyhoos have always bugged me. If you don’t have either of those problems, people with a spare tire, relief society arms, mommy-tummy, cankles or junk-in-the-trunk should be able to relate. (And if you don’t have any of those things, I HATE YOU! If you want to know what it’s like, here’s an experiment for you: take two helium balloons, get them a little damp and rub them together. Voila! Now you know what my thighs feel like when I’m standing in the shower.)

So if I had the time and money (or alas willpower) to make those areas disappear, I would do it.

I know I should be grateful for my healthy body, and that I’m mostly in shape. So “make do with what you have, or do without” or somesuch. Right?

And although it’s getting a little kitschy, what’s your thought on that?


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