I can’t really do Memos from a Grouchy Pregnant Lady even though I’m still grouchy (at least some of the time). But, hey! I have a new baby who wakes me up a few times every night, so I have plenty of justification for feeling grumpy! (Yay for excuses!)
So here are the things overly-helpful strangers feel inclined to say when they see me:
1. When are you due? You’ve got to be kidding. The car seat, the diaper bag, the baby didn’t give it away? If you’re not sure people, just don’t ask. (Luckily, I think I’m past this phase. Phew.)
2. How many more are you going to have? Seriously. SERIOUSLY? Can you give me a few months, nay, years to think about it?
3. You had three kids in five years. On purpose? Actually, yes. No, I’m not crazy…yet.
4. You look exhausted. Thanks for pointing it out. I am.
5. Oh…she/he must look like your husband. And although that may be true, I did all the work to get this baby here. Can’t you just say, “she’s lovely” or something similar?
6. Is your husband a different ethnicity?/You had this baby together? This was especially bad with Critter No. 2 who was born with super thick, black hair. When she was a week old I went to the mall with my mom and the store clerk said, “How long have you had her?” She thought my baby was adopted!
7. You should do XYZ with your breast milk. Okay…I don’t care what magical qualities it has, no stranger is going to tell me how to use it. *gag*
8. Your baby is too young to be out here. It’s not that I disagree, but groceries aren’t going to magically appear in my fridge. Unless you can get one of those Star Trek food zapper-thinga-majigs I have to go shopping.
9. Can I hold your baby? I hate to be rude, but no. I don’t let strangers pick up my five-year-old. I’m certainly not going to hand my infant to you. What if you ran away and I had to like tackle you? Or worse, when was the last time you washed your hands?
10. Is it a boy or girl? This wouldn’t bug me if I didn’t always have a bow of some sort on my baby’s head…and she’s in pink 90 percent of the time. Good golly, people! Peek before you speak!
Things to say to a new mom include: You look great! Your baby is beautiful (or if not, compliment said baby’s outfit). And yeah…that’s pretty much it.
Okay folks. I’m off to take a nap and hopefully de-grouch myself. Wish me luck.
And don’t forget to leave a comment on my Awesome Author Interview with Jen Knight if you’re interested in winning a ten-page crit!